I have entered a new season in my life. For the past three decades I have been actively raising children. Now my children are grown. Their needs are different and my role in their lives is different. It has been an interesting time. Some moments of the transition have been smooth sailing, others have been a bit rockier. With the hubris of youth, I once believed that mothers who had difficulty making this transition had somehow lost themselves in the act of mothering. I determined to mother with gusto and enjoy every moment of it while, simultaneously, continuing to develop myself and my own personal interests and points of view. I did that. The transition is still difficult. I look forward to what the future holds for my kiddos but I do miss the easy companionship of my children. I miss their exuberance and curiosity. Fortunately, with the help of their mentorship, I did foster my own sense of curiosity and exuberance, reclaiming that which I had in my younger years, and am able to bring it to my present life, this new season. I have spent considerable time examining what subjects and activities have consistently held my attention and what ideas and dreams and fanciful notions have ran most consistently throughout my life. I have set some goals. It is a process but I am inching forward, reaching, stretching.
In October of 2019 I started on a new little adventure - I returned to the workforce. Needing to earn some quick extra money in order to pay for my son's tuition to the school he attended in London but not wanting to commit to a career, I acquired an entry-level position at a restaurant. I documented my first day with the picture you see above and with this instagram post:
"So, here I am, folks! Day one in my uniform for my new part time job at Panera. Let me tell you, it was a little surreal seeing this face with this cap on staring back at me in the mirror. It has been 18 years since I have had paid employment outside of the home and 33 years since I have worn a uniform to work and been in food service. But the time is right for me to return - the hours are flexible, the location is close to my home, and my co-workers are supportive of me and my re-entry into the workforce. Many of them have known me for years as I have been a regular at this cafe. So I am going to ease my way back into the world of working outside the home. I am going to press on, moving towards my goals. The adventure has begun!"
A year and a half later I shared this on instagram:
"Almost a year and a half to the day from reentering the workforce by becoming employed at Panera and I have just finished my last day of work with them. I am older and a bit tired but proud of all I have accomplished over the last eighteen months. I began work nervously, uncertain as to whether I could endure the physical demands of food service and a little afraid that I wouldn't be able to learn all the little things quickly enough. Now, eighteen months after beginning, I recognize that I am a competent, hard working and valuable member of the workforce. In addition to learning how to make lattes, I have learned to open the bakery. I am proud of myself for having persevered through uncertainty and physical fatigue to learn these things. I am also proud to have achieved the primary financial goal that motivated my return to the workforce - London Boy's tuition has been paid. I did it!!! I am so proud of my ability to stay focused and accomplish such a large goal. I am also proud of my ability to assess when a change needs to be made and to act upon that assessment. I have set new financial goals and desire to continue employment in order to reach those goals; however, for a host of reasons, Panera is no longer the place for me to to be. I have boldly edited it from my life and am beginning a new adventure this week. A week ago I decided to leave. Last Sunday I applied for a new job. Monday I scheduled an interview for that job and put in my resignation at Panera. Tuesday I was interviewed and hired. Now I have completed my last day at Panera and will have my first day at the new job on Wednesday. I am excited to do something new. I'm proud of my decisiveness and believe I made the right choice. Even then, there was a tinge of sadness when employee 180 signed out for the last time. I made a place for myself. I am proud of that and am proud of my accomplishments. I will treasure the memories while looking forward to that adventures that lie ahead."
That was in April. Five months later, data collected, and I am happy to report that I did make the right choice. I am doing work that I never imagined that I would ever do. I wear steel-toed boots and safety goggles at work. I lift heavy things and sweat considerably. I love it. I feel healthier. I have complete control over my schedule. I make more money. And I have learned that there are many steps to getting any given product to the consumer; many many hands have touched every product that I utilize. It is humbling and that deeper understanding results in a shift in perspective and that has been a good thing. I feel accomplished and am proud of where I am at.
Yes, although the transition into this new season of my life has not been seamless, I am proud of where I am at and I am excited about where I am going. On instagram, at the beginning of May, I posted this:
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C.S. Lewis
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Here's a glimpse of the dreams I'm dreaming. Before I turn sixty I hope...
-to be debt free (with the exception of the mortgage)
-to have completed oral history interviews with my parents.
-to have renovated the house.
-to be set up to begin my epic American road trip!!!
This is what keeps me focused and motivated!!!"
I can now add to this list, after completing my epic American road trip I hope to complete the Master Naturalist course and then offer up courses to homeschoolers.
I have ideas and thoughts and fanciful notions and I have dreams. All of which exist outside of my roles as mother and wife and employee. I will push myself to reach for those dreams, stretching, reaching. I will inch forward and will seek to recognize the progress in each inch. In the process I will grow. I will learn. I will live!!!
