I have entered a new season in my life. For the past three decades I have been actively raising children. Now my children are grown. Their needs are different and my role in their lives is different. It has been an interesting time. Some moments of the transition have been smooth sailing, others have been a bit rockier. With the hubris of youth, I once believed that mothers who had difficulty making this transition had somehow lost themselves in the act of mothering. I determined to mother with gusto and enjoy every moment of it while, simultaneously, continuing to develop myself and my own personal interests and points of view. I did that. The transition is still difficult. I look forward to what the future holds for my kiddos but I do miss the easy companionship of my children. I miss their exuberance and curiosity. Fortunately, with the help of their mentorship, I did foster my own sense of curiosity and exuberance, reclaiming that which I had in my younger years, and am able to bring it to my present life, this new season. I have spent considerable time examining what subjects and activities have consistently held my attention and what ideas and dreams and fanciful notions have ran most consistently throughout my life. I have set some goals. It is a process but I am inching forward, reaching, stretching.

  In October of 2019 I started on a new little adventure - I returned to the workforce. Needing to earn some quick extra money in order to pay for my son's tuition to the school he attended in London but not wanting to commit to a career, I acquired an entry-level position at a restaurant. I documented my first day with the picture you see above and with this instagram post:

"So, here I am, folks! Day one in my uniform for my new part time job at Panera. Let me tell you, it was a little surreal seeing this face with this cap on staring back at me in the mirror. It has been 18 years since I have had paid employment outside of the home and 33 years since I have worn a uniform to work and been in food service. But the time is right for me to return - the hours are flexible, the location is close to my home, and my co-workers are supportive of me and my re-entry into the workforce. Many of them have known me for years as I have been a regular at this cafe. So I am going to ease my way back into the world of working outside the home. I am going to press on, moving towards my goals. The adventure has begun!"

A year and a half later I shared this on instagram:

"Almost a year and a half to the day from reentering the workforce by becoming employed at Panera and I have just finished my last day of work with them. I am older and a bit tired but proud of all I have accomplished over the last eighteen months. I began work nervously, uncertain as to whether I could endure the physical demands of food service and a little afraid that I wouldn't be able to learn all the little things quickly enough. Now, eighteen months after beginning, I recognize that I am a competent, hard working and valuable member of the workforce. In addition to learning how to make lattes, I have learned to open the bakery. I am proud of myself for having persevered through uncertainty and physical fatigue to learn these things. I am also proud to have achieved the primary financial goal that motivated my return to the workforce - London Boy's tuition has been paid. I did it!!! I am so proud of my ability to stay focused and accomplish such a large goal. I am also proud of my ability to assess when a change needs to be made and to act upon that assessment. I have set new financial goals and desire to continue employment in order to reach those goals; however, for a host of reasons, Panera is no longer the place for me to to be. I have boldly edited it from my life and am beginning a new adventure this week. A week ago I decided to leave. Last Sunday I applied for a new job. Monday I scheduled an interview for that job and put in my resignation at Panera. Tuesday I was interviewed and hired. Now I have completed my last day at Panera and will have my first day at the new job on Wednesday. I am excited to do something new. I'm proud of my decisiveness and believe I made the right choice. Even then, there was a tinge of sadness when employee 180 signed out for the last time. I made a place for myself. I am proud of that and am proud of my accomplishments. I will treasure the memories while looking forward to that adventures that lie ahead."

That was in April. Five months later, data collected, and I am happy to report that I did make the right choice. I am doing work that I never imagined that I would ever do. I wear steel-toed boots and safety goggles at work. I lift heavy things and sweat considerably. I love it. I feel healthier. I have complete control over my schedule. I make more money. And I have learned that there are many steps to getting any given product to the consumer; many many hands have touched every product that I utilize. It is humbling and that deeper understanding results in a shift in perspective and that has been a good thing. I feel accomplished and am proud of where I am at.

Yes, although the transition into this new season of my life has not been seamless, I am proud of where I am at and I am excited about where I am going. On instagram, at the beginning of May, I posted this:

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C.S. Lewis

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Here's a glimpse of the dreams I'm dreaming. Before I turn sixty I hope...

-to be debt free (with the exception of the mortgage)

-to have completed oral history interviews with my parents.

-to have renovated the house.

-to be set up to begin my epic American road trip!!!

This is what keeps me focused and motivated!!!"

I can now add to this list, after completing my epic American road trip I hope to complete the Master Naturalist course and then offer up courses to homeschoolers. 

I have ideas and thoughts and fanciful notions and I have dreams. All of which exist outside of my roles as mother and wife and employee. I will push myself to reach for those dreams, stretching, reaching. I will inch forward and will seek to recognize the progress in each inch. In the process I will grow. I will learn. I will live!!!

So Much Has Been Read, Yet So Much Left To Read

One of my goals for the year 2021 was to read four books per month, totaling forty-eight books read within the year. To date, I have read seventy-three books. A couple of months back I shared some of the books that I had read and others that I was working on. Today I am going to give a full accounting, so here goes:

*Dr. Zhivago by Boris Pasternak

*The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom

*Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson

*The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper by Phaedra Patrick

*The Case Against Socialism by Rand Paul

*The Devil and Karl Marx by Paul Kengor

*The Feast Nearby by Robin Mather

*The Human Stain by Philip Roth

*Gosnell by McElhinney and McAleer

*If I Did It: Confessions of A Killer by O.J. Simpson/The Goldman Family

*The Plot Against the President by Lee Smith

*The Secrets We Kept by Lara Prescott

*Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

*The Infidels Guide to the Koran by Robert Spencer

*Hope's Table by Hope Helmuth

*Douglass and Lincoln by Paul and Stephen Kendrick

*Unholy Alliance by Jay Sekulow

*Anti-Inflammatory Drinks for Health by Flaherty

*South of the Buttonwood Tree by Heather Webber

*Please Stop Helping Us by Jason L. Riley

*The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin

*The Pot Thief Who Studied Edward Abbey by Orenduff

*The Society of Timid Souls or How to Be Brave by Polly Morland

*Love from Boy: Roald Dahl's Letters to His Mother by Donald Sturrock

*Curious by Ian Leslie

*Memories Last Breath by Gerde Saunders

*A Curious Mind by Brian Grazer

*The Red Pony by John Steinbeck

*50 Great American Places by Brent Glass

*Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant by Anne Tyler

*The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler

*The Book of Beautiful Questions by Warren Berger

*Natural Curiosity by Lisa Carne

*Breathing Lessons by Anne Tyler

*Gilead by Marilynn Robinson

*American Bloomsbury by Susan Cheever

*Walking by Erling Kagge

* My Favorite Things by Maira Kalman

*Lists of Note by Shaun Usher

*Messages From My Father by Calvin Trillin

*Black Wall Street by Hannibal Johnson

*Road Trip USA by Moon

*Noah's Compass by Anne Tyler

*The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

*The Enlightenment: Reason, Tolerance and Humanity by Prof. James Schmidt

*The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James

*Multiple Streams of Income by Robert Allen

*Your Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt

*The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin

*Outwitting the Devil by Napolean Hill

*Grit by Angela Duckworth

*An Ozark Odyssey: The Journey of a Father and Son by William Childress

*The Power of Consistency by Weldon Long

*Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters by John Maxwell

*The Creators Code: The Six Essential Skills of Extraordinary Entrepreneurs by Amy Wilkinson

*Side Hustle: From Idea to Income in 27 Days by Chris Guillebeau

*The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling

*The Pot Thief Who Studied the Woman at Ottowi Crossing by Orenduff

*Beyond the Limelight: Some Pioneer Recollections of Missouri and Oklahoma, Johnston's Shut-Ins State Park by Harry Johnston (x2)

*A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

*A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle

*A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle

*An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L'Engle

*Many Waters by Madeleine L'Engle

*An Ozark Boy's Story, 1915-1945 by John Hulston

*Take to the Hills: A Chronicle of the Ozarks by Marguerite Lyons

*Apple Mary: A Story of a German Immigrant Family by Kathleen Farrelly

*The Harvey Girls: Women Who Opened the West by Poling-Kempes

*Fresh From the Hills by Marguerite Lyons

*Street Craft: Geurilla Gardening, Yarn Bombing, Light Graffiti, Street Sculpture and More by Riikka Kuittinen

*Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan

*Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer 

That was tremendously satisfying!

I had forgotten about some of the books and with others it feels as if I read them such a very long time ago. I try to read a wide variety of books. I read nonfiction and fiction. I read history and business and art and psychology. I am particularly pleased with having read the Time Quintet by Madeleine L'Engle. When I was a child I read A Wrinkle In Time and I loved it. I then read it to my children and they loved it. I had never, however, read the full quintet. I have now and I loved it! I have also developed an interest in personal historical accounts from the Ozarks because I have learned that a portion of my family history resides in the hills of the Ozarks. It is exciting to read an account from the region and wonder if life was similar for my ancestors!

I am currently reading:

*Bright Glowed My Hills by Mahnkey

*The Burgess Animal Book for Children by Thornton Burgess

*The Skin Collector: A Lincoln Rhyme Novel by Jeffery Deaver

And I have more queued up:

*Home by Marilynne Robinson

*The Forest Unseen: A Year's Watch in Nature by David George Haskell

*The Cherokee Syllabary: Writing the People's Perseverance by Ellen Cushman

*Grown-Up Anger: the Connected Mysteries of Bob Dylan, Woody Guthrie, and the Calumet Massacre of 1913 by Daniel Wolff

*The 99% Invisible City: A Field Guide to the Hidden World of Everyday Design by Roman Mars and Kurt Kohlstedt

Truly, "there are so many books left to read. For that reason alone it is worth going on living,"

Lifestyle of Learning 2021 Edition: Volume Two

 Having a household of adults is such a very different thing than having children in the home. Each adult has their own endeavors; not that that alone is any different as each member of the family has always been encouraged to pursue individual interests, yet these adult endeavors are pursued in a much more solitary manner than those pursued as children. Most often, each member of the family is in their own space pursuing their own grand endeavors, running down their own rabbit trails. This week, however,  there have been some beautiful, bright little unifying, collaborative moments. The other day, as I sat in my room reading, the voices of hubby, Herb, and Christian floated down the hallway and tickled my ears. They had found common ground in the exploration of Korean history. The hubby excitedly introduced the topic of Admiral Yi Sun-sin, quite possibly the greatest naval commander in the history of the world. Christian, having lived in South Korea and having studied extensively Korean history, shared a great deal of historical information with ease and passion. I heard them speak of the Admiral playing an essential role in defeating the Japanese when they attempted to invade Korea during the Joseon dynasty. I heard them discussing the value of the turtle ships in defeating the Japanese every time Admiral Yi Sun-sin and his troops engaged the enemy (23 recorded engagements), even when heavily outnumbered (333 to 13 in one battle) and with limited supplies. I heard them exchange recollections of having seen a turtle ship in a museum in Seoul. It was a heartwarming exchange, getting them both excited and allowing them to contribute to the others learning endeavors.  This is what it looks like to live a lifestyle of learning!

From the Autumn, not Spring, but captures well life around here.

Other endeavors included the hubby continuing to listen to and learn about classical music. He has maintained a walking routine and has discovered Mark Twain's short stories.  Bishop has been learning how to drive, continued to work for the caterer and has been creating salad masterpieces for family consumption and has been painting daily, exploring different substrates, paints and methods. I have listened to a lecture on the enlightenment, using a book from the library I tried to expand my salad repertoire, and I am consistently reading, researching and writing. I discovered that author Saul Bellows exists (still need to read his works) and was reminded of the existence of Henry James and read The Portrait of a Lady. And, inadvertently, while reading a travel book, I learned of the significance of the grange hall. To me "the grange" was the building where I had 4-H meetings as a youngster; I never questioned further. I learned that "the grange" was was more than a community building, it was an organization. The National Grange was founded in 1867 and was the first agricultural and public rural interest organization. 

An Invitation Accepted

 Economist John Maynard Keyes once offered up this tidbit of advice on how to make one's way through a bookstore: 

"A bookshop is not like a railway booking-office which one approaches knowing what one wants. One should enter it vaguely, almost in a dream, and allow what is there freely to attract and influence the eye. To walk the rounds of the bookshop, dipping in as curiosity dictates, should be an afternoon entertainment."

This reminded me quite a bit of my own method of exploring the library that I shared in my last post, Exploring the Universe (and a little reading list); although I do frequently go into the library intent on securing a particular book or anything written by a particular author, I most frequently wander around in that near dream-like state, allowing the books to speak to me, vie for my attention, ask me to take them home.

These books spoke, they invited, and I listened, I accepted.

Last week I finished Memories Last Breath and Curious, both of which are mentioned in the previous post. Additionally I read:

A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life by Brian Grazer: Curiosity enriches our lives, stimulates us, opens up opportunities for us; Brian Grazer and I are in agreement on these points. Within this book, he expounds on the ways in which curiosity has enriched his life. He highlights his "curiosity conversations" which involve him deliberately seeking out people he is curious and simply asking questions, having a conversation. This is a process that I have never formalized but is what I attempt to do with folks that I interact with.

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson: See, I do actually get some fiction read. This is a fictional autobiography of Reverend John Ames who resides in a small, rather isolated town, Gilead, Iowa. The date established at the beginning of the book is 1956 and, Ames explains that he is writing an account of his life for his seven-year old son who will likely have few memories of him upon his passing. It is delightful. It is thought provoking. Here are some quotes gleaned from within its pages that highlight the books ability to provoke and delight simultaneously.

"Love is holy because it is like grace - the worthiness of its object is never really what matters."

"Memory can make a thing seem to have been much more than it was."

"These people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you're making to be better than you actually are, which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice."

"There are a thousand thousand reasons to live this life, every one of them sufficient."

"Well, but you two are dancing in your iridescent little downpour, whooping and stomping as sane people ought to do when they encounter a thing so miraculous as water."

Sublime.

And the reading continues. I am presently working on...

American Bloomsbury: Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Margaret Fuller, Nathaniel Hawthorne and Henry David Thoreau: Their Lives, Their Loves, Their Work  by Susan Cheever

The Intellectual Lives of Children  by Susan Engel

The Book of Beautiful Questions  by Warren Berger

Natural Curiosity: Educating and Nurturing Our Children at Home  by Lisa Carne

The Casual Vacancy by  J.K. Rowling

Exploring the Universe (and a Little Reading List)

As a shy and reticent child I found sanctuary in my school's library. In my minds eye I can picture every bit of that beloved space; I can walk those stacks of books and nearly feel the spines of the shelved books on my fingertips. In my earliest elementary years, I read every book the library had that was authored by Edward Dolch. I loved all books to do with animals - nonfiction about animals, or fiction centered around animals or involving anthropomorphized animals. Those Dolch books fit the bill, as did Beverly Cleary's Rigsby and Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, and, also, guidebooks on how to care for dogs. These books would make their way out onto the playground during recess where, quite frequently, I would find solace within their pages.

I can also vividly recall our county library's bookmobile that would park before our school's doors once a week. I found a vehicle crammed full of books to be novel and thrilling. The throaty engine of the idling vehicle would hum as I browsed the shelves.

While at university, roaming the stacks of the massive library with its rare book collection and seemingly endless rows of academic journals containing research on every imaginable subject convinced me that I had been handed the keys to the universe.

As a stay-at-home mom I trekked to the library with my kids in tow. Together, we attended programs in which we sang songs, did silly dances and created masterpieces together. Together, we examined the picture books with their glossy pages of fine art and endearing stories and found amazing read-alouds. The day that they got their very own library cards I felt as though I had handed over to them those keys to the universe.

I am no longer a shy child but am a woman who is comfortable and confident in her own skin and world. And, I no longer have children accompanying me to the library. I am making that journey on my own, maybe for a bit of comfort during this transitional phase but more because there is so much more of the universe left to explore.

Weekly, I wander through the stacks of my library. Sometimes, I go in with purpose, to look for a specific book or author (usually something recommended by my bookworm, Maceo). Other times, I have no specific intent... just roam. I roam the nonfiction - biography, history, philosophy, business and careers, books and literature, science and nature, travel, sports and recreation, money, cooking, gardening, spirituality and true crime. I roam the fiction- historical, mystery, literary, and the classics. I roam the audiobooks - fiction and nonfiction, including lectures. I look for intriguing titles or appealing cover colors and designs or subjects that sound interesting and I add those books to my stack. 

I nearly always check out more books than is practical but I steadily work my way through them, always reading more than one book at a time. Presently, I am actively reading...

-Memory's Last Breath: Field Notes on My Dementia by Gerda Saunders: a stunningly beautiful and revealing memoir of a 'fiercely intellectual person living with the knowledge that her brain is betraying her.'  

-Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends On It by Ian Leslie: "A beautiful and important exploration of the need to nurture, develop, and explore our curiosity even when we've long left our childhood behind. Ian Leslie reminds us of those essential life lessons that we tend to forget in our quest to be busy and productive: that sometimes, it's OK to waste time; and often, the most productive mind ends up being the mind most open to indulging its most childish impulses," said Maria Konnikova, and I agree!

-The Society of Timid Souls, or How to Be Brave by Polly Morland: a philosophical attempt to define bravery and courage and to determine the timid can, in fact, learn to be brave. (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/may/19/timid-souls-polly-morland-review)

-Love From Boy: Roald Dahl's Letters to His Mother by Donald Sturrock: a delightful book allowing me to have a glimpse into the life experiences and personal perspective of beloved author Roald Dahl. Each letter beginning with 'Dear Mama' conveys the sense that Dahl and his mother had an endearing and enduring relationship. 

So, I explore the universe as it exists in the minds and hearts of those in these books and, in the process, I am certain that I explore a piece of myself as well.

Lifestyle of Learning 2021 Edition: Volume One

 Perusing this blog I find that the Lifestyle of Learning entries are amongst my favorites. They are definitely a trip down memory lane. They document significant events as well as fleeting areas of interest. Although those posts may reveal things about every member of our family, they primarily focus on the younger two members of the family as they were actively being homeschooled at that time. Times have changed. They have both graduated. Our family now consists of six adults, all trying to make our way in the world, trying to offer the world our unique selves, trying to find contentment and purpose and passion. We are all seeking knowledge and skills. We are all autodidacts. We are all partaking in a lifestyle of learning. So I am going to resume the Lifestyle of Learning entries that delight me so. 

Typically I would share a week or two of our learning experiences and endeavors; however, because I haven't posted in so long I will give a broader overview of our family members and their lifestyles of learning. So, please, let me introduce you to my family and our lifestyle of learning.

My husband is retired and has had to adjust to life post-military and with medical issues that have impacted his daily functioning. In the physical aspect, his world is much smaller than it once was; however, his mental life is active and he nurtures interests that are all his own.  He actively listens to and researches the history of classical music. History, in general, is a subject matter of interest; as is current events, policy and politics. He loves to cook. He spends much of his time watching culinary related videos, doing related research, and then taking that research into the kitchen. During the last two weeks he has spent copious amounts of time perfecting his roux, he has researched the distinctions between gumbo and etouffe, and has made both. It is an interest that thoroughly engages him and rewards the family simultaneously.

The oldest of the young adults, Christian, has finished pursuing his higher education goals and is presently in a transitional phase that is focused on how best to utilize that education, how to pay for that education, and life beyond school. After having lived in Washington D.C. and Seoul S.K., he has returned to our hometown. Beyond working to pay off that student loan and support life, he is acquiring new skills. He is learning to cut glass and pour candles. He is cultivating an interest in hiking and kayaking. He is tracking his finances diligently and honing the skills related to frugality and has taught himself how to maintain his 1999 Jeep Wrangler. He has a strong prevailing interest in history and geography and stays abreast of current events, political and geopolitical happenings.

My only daughter, Keegan, is an actress and podcaster and a project manager for a major company. She is on the board of directors of Above the Curve theatre, on the board of advisors for Outlier Podcast Festival and is a co-founder of the Black Arts Alliance of Southwest Missouri. The alliance just presented their first production and it was amazing. Keegan presented a spoken word piece that was powerful. Keegan's interests are broad and deep which helps fuel all of her endeavors. She spends copious amounts of time doing research for her podcasts and has taught herself some graphic design and sound editing. She also has interests in sociology, psychology, and true crime. She loves music and reading and baking and crocheting and harvesting veggies grown on her balcony.

Maceo is presently attending university in London; he is in his final term of earning his bachelors degree in acting. Maceo is also a singer and writer. Over the last two years he has been writing poetry and has plans to write screenplays. He has wide ranging interests to include a strong interest in sociology, psychology, and philosophy. He is a prolific reader; reading both fiction and nonfiction, contemporary and classics.

The youngest adult, Bishop, was slated to attend art school this past year but covid interrupted that plan. However, Bishop is an artist and covid can't interrupt that.  Bishop is trained as a ceramicist but has spent hours upon hours painting; he explores the medium in his own way, as an outsider artist. He has had one exhibition and more are surely on the way. He also loves the culinary arts and works for a caterer. He is deeply interested in history and geography and science and music.

  As for myself, I have training in sociology and psychology and in a previous life, of sorts, I was a marriage and family therapist and a sex offender counselor; however, for the last two decades I have been a stay-at-home mom and a home educator. In my current "life" I am not actively engaged in any of the aforementioned activities. I am in transition. I have been examining all that I've done, all that I've learned, all that I have found passion for and am seeking to integrate them. I am no longer a therapist but it has left an indelible impression on me. Although still a mother and still managing a household, no longer am I a SAHM actively meeting the daily needs of my children. I am no longer technically a home educator yet I have thoughts and experiences that jiggle around in my mind. I am presently seeking integration and a clear direction for this next portion of my journey. In the here and now, I have created three avenues for income production that consume a great deal of my time and energy but are helping me meet financial goals that I have. In the in-between moments I read and write. I stay abreast of current events- social, political, geopolitical happenings. I research history. I journal. And I read. One of my 2021 goals is to read four books per month. I am easily surpassing that goal. I have already read twenty-four books and am presently reading six books: a philosophical look at courage, a series of travel essays, a travel guide, a memoir and 'field notes' of a woman with dementia, an examination of the value of curiosity, and a compilation of letters from Roald Dahl to his mother. Lest you think that I am only reading nonfiction, I have read Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping, The Human Stain by Philip Roth, and Dr. Zhivago by Boris Pasternak, among others. I am reading and researching and dreaming - working on developing a clear vision of who I am and where I am going. Blessedly, I am surrounded by interesting adults that have a plethora of abiding interests that challenge me and inspire me.

Altogether, we try to approach our world with a bit of curiosity, a sense of wonderment, an active seeking; that is our lifestyle of learning.

 A year ago, with good intentions and a clear vision, I declared that I was going to resume posting in this space, making it a routine part of my life again. I posted twice in March of 2020 and have a third post for that month sitting in my draft queue; otherwise, nothing, nada... crickets. By mid-March 2020 I was furloughed from my part-time employment, I was sheltered in place, and the world seemed to be paused. Life seemed to be paused. Of course, that is not exactly accurate as life truly did continue, just not the life that I was accustomed to, that I had crafted for myself, that I had envisioned continuing to craft. World events continued to come fast and furious throughout the year and I have been left feeling as though I have trudged through the desert. I feel desiccated. I feel tired and, frequently, discouraged. The year tested friendships and has even strained familial ties. I have been stunned by the degree of judgement and vitriol that has circulated in my little world throughout the year. It has left me feeling vulnerable. Not wanting to expose myself to potential condemnation I contemplated getting rid of this very personal, yet very public, space.  I have struggled to feel inspired and have been unable to hold tight to a clear vision of where I am going, let alone the role that this blog could play in that journey. In my most depleted moments I was certain that I would not persist in presenting my life and accompanying thoughts in such a public way, yet my heart keeps wandering back to this little space that I have created. When I peruse the memories and thoughts encapsulated in this space I feel joy and peace; I feel that it is special. It feels as though I have created my own little nest. I am not ready to give it up.  I also find that I have missed the process of writing.  I enjoy memorializing the little bits that comprise my life and mulling over thoughts and ideas and beliefs.  I enjoy revisiting those expressed thoughts, ideas, beliefs and memories and making note of changes and growth. So I have determined to keep this space, to nurture it, and to protect it. I am determined to find my voice again, to rehydrate and reanimate. And I remind myself that a trek through the desert is oftentimes a necessary part of a journey; it is an adventure of its own. If I am keen on observing I find that the desert has its own beauty. Additionally, the desert stands in distinct contrast to the lush abundance of the verdant fields that comprise the rest of my life.